Marriage Differences part 5

Not really knowing where my journey would take me, I set out to seek God's will and to return to serving my Lord whole-heartedly. God began to convict and prune this servant getting rid of some of the ugly dross that had developed in me. 

I came to see that strife between me and my husband and later between me and God when I didn't see immediate answers to prayer I looked for had left me bitter. The hurt, anger and resentment became a regular part of my days. I had to look at my condition and stop making excuses. I needed to call it what God calls it-- sin. That was hard to admit. After all the harsh words that had been spoken after all the disappointment, I felt entitled to my bitterness. God called me to let it go. It wasn't of Him and gave poor witness to those around me of my relationship with God. 

I had to also grapple with some fundamentals of salvation. No one earns it - it is a gift of grace. No one is righteous and no one seeks after God. No one can come to the Father unless God first does a work in our lives. We were utterly dead in sin when God chose to quicken us. We didn't choose on our own. We chose God because we were chosen. God wants that everyone come into a knowledge of Him. Jesus' payment on the cross was all sufficient for everyone. I was completely unworthy to be accepted by my Father in Heaven. I was not good. It was not right choices or good behavior that gained me status but only the work of Jesus. 

I had to see my husband the way God saw Him. If things were as utterly hopeless as I once imagined, then there would be no reason for God to keep us together. God had not given up on my husband and neither would I. I began to pray that God would give me HIS love for my husband and grow me in grace. 

GRACE - I needed to understand the grace of God. It is given only in cases without any merit at all. It is a gift and never earned. If we are kindly only to those who treat us with respect and kindness we are not demonstrating grace but offering payment through kind responses. Grace means that while you and I were still sinners, Christ died for us. In order for me to demonstrate grace it would require that I offer myself in humble service even if I was treated like a servant. Grace is a demonstration of true love which lays itself down for another without regard for merit or response. Because I was not the only bitter person in our marriage, but my husband had not yet experienced fellowship with The Lord. He had to rely on his own resources, but I had power from above.