Marriage Differences part 2

Military life was a real change. We were taken from country living with family nearby to living in the city and all that comes with that life. We began with very little. The most valuable possession was the new car he purchased the week we were married. No longer would a sporty car do; he was married and that meant a sedan. 

Month to month we didn't know if we could make the rent. Gas had to wait until payday, sometimes meaning that a ride would need to be found to get to work. For several years of training, pay checks were meager and sometimes interrupted through administrative error. We lived moment by moment. Any extravagance would be funded by a friend or family member who was better off than we were. I had come from that kind of life, but for him it was a great sacrifice. 

When we finally landed our first real duty station, he was shipped out within a couple of days. In fact they were waiting for him to arrive. He borrowed enough money to rent a house, but no knowledge of whether we would be able to make the next rent payment. Creditors called throughout the day but I really didn't have the answers they wanted. Debt was a foreign concept to my growing years. I was very uneasy with our predicament. I didn't like engaging in these commitments that were so shaky. 

Later we bought a home using three months of advanced pay before shipping out. Again, no knowledge of how the next payment would be made. My discomfort led to conflict between us. I had not nurtured my relationship with my Lord nearly as much as I nurtured my marriage. But I had given all that I could and it just wasn't enough. In my mind it meant that someone else (my husband) should give more. 

I tried living by his rules thinking I was being a supportive wife and it wasn't working out. This was not what I had bought into. This was not the life I dreamed of as a girl.  God seemed so far out of the equation and I seemed to be the only one in our marriage who saw looming danger on the horizon. Something had to change.